


i’m empty, i know

by bipetermj (divineauthor)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon Compliant, Captain America: The First Avenger, F/M, Introspection, Jealous Bucky Barnes, Jealousy, M/M, Minor Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, POV Third Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23764657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divineauthor/pseuds/bipetermj
Summary: A dame like Carter had the world at her knees, but she set her eyes on Steve because she knew what a treasure he was, a little bucket of gold in a swarm of blackened coals. Bucky knew that Steve was meant for greater things, things bigger than his skinny self could ever carry on his back, but now that Steve was all big now, those large shoulders of his could carry a far lot more than Bucky was ever able to.—•—Bucky’s jealous of Peggy.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	i’m empty, i know

**Author's Note:**

> this is a lil old but i found it in my docs and decided to post anyway !! this was supposed to be a series based off of harry’s debut album but i only wrote one for woman—regardless, i thought this was good enough to post :D
> 
> title from: harry styles’ “woman”

_I’m selfish, I know_

_But I don’t ever wanna see you with him…_

_I hope you see the shape that I’m in,_

_While he’s touching your skin._

* * *

* * *

Bucky knew he wasn’t the type that made it to heaven not with what was swirling in his mind every time he even thought about Steve — this flash of hot want mixed in with this warm adoration, something like love but it wasn’t it couldn’t be, it _can’t_ be, and especially not the way Bucky was thinking about Carter. No, it wasn’t like what the other boys thought, those little offhanded comments he made to get the boys rowdy and upbeat to keep them from falling in the place where soldiers usually never get out from. No this was a sin, straight from hell itself. This was envy at its purest, wrapping him up in a sea of sickly green and it wasn't letting him go. 

A dame like Carter had the world at her knees, but she set her eyes on Steve because she knew what a treasure he was, a little bucket of gold in a swarm of blackened coals. Bucky knew that Steve was meant for greater things, things bigger than his skinny self could ever carry on his back, but now that Steve was all big now, those large shoulders of his could carry a far lot more than Bucky was ever able to. 

He had to hand it to her though, not everyone could see how special Steve was and he didn’t fault her for doing what he would’ve done if he were a dame. But, God, it didn’t mean that seeing them together didn’t hurt like a fucking bullet in the chest. Bucky was selfish because two decades and then some still wasn’t enough to soothe the pain he felt when Steve’s fingers traced over hers like some sort of soft dance Bucky could never follow along. It was funny. Bucky was the one who was good on his feet, now he was just stumbling after them, trying to follow the steps to their perfect dance. 

Bucky had to unclench his whitened hands from the glass because he could feel it cracking underneath his skin. His gaze followed Steve as he greeted the other Howlies, downing a drink out of convention because he sure as hell could handle a drink or ten without flinching. He heard a throat clear and his eyes flitted to pretty brown eyes and painted red lips. He bit back a scowl and settle for a clenched jaw, back firm and shoulders squared. A true soldier in the face of his better. 

“Do we have a problem, Sergeant Barnes?” she asked, eyebrows raised and expression carefully blank. 

He shifted, trying to seem tall when she towered over him in her red heels. “Not at all, Agent Carter.”

“Then why,” she paused, eyes raking over every blemish, every scar, seeing through him rather than at him; it was disconcerting to say the least, “are you trying to burn me out of the room with your eyes every time I so much as speak to Steve?”

Bucky tried to play it off, giving her a harsh laugh that he didn’t mean. “That’s not what—”

“I am not stupid, nor am I inept, Sergeant,” Carter said. 

Bucky took the fragile glass in his hand and knocked back the last of his shot, his eyes not leaving those her sharp ones. “Because you’re perfect for him, _ma’am_. You’re a gorgeous dame and I couldn’t be fuckin’ happier that he found someone as lovely as you. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Something in Carter softened, like she understood what was happening in his brain and she said, “I heard what I needed to hear, Sergeant.” There was a tense moment of silence before she added, “I’m not taking him away from you.”

Bucky snorted. “Here’s the thing, Agent Carter. You are.” He waited a beat until he said, raw and open, “He was never mine to begin with.”

She pursed her lips then nodded before walking out, heels clicking loudly on the wooden floor. When Carter finally left, Bucky pasted on a crooked smile as Steve ambled back to his side, eyes shining with something familiar as he stared at Carter, a look Bucky knew all too well when he stared at Steve. The low hum of hurt should’ve been all too easy to ignore, but he never really got over it, not when Steve glowed and radiated happiness from such a short moment with her. 

“Well, Stevie, this new body did you well for other reasons too,” he drawled, fingers picking at the wooden edge of the bar. Steve flushed a light pink and there was this voice in his head telling him if he kissed Steve, it would probably make him pink all over. He ignored it, as usual, but he couldn’t help the want that curled up in his belly. 

Steve shouldered him and Bucky, hand to God, stumbled from the force of it. “Shut it, Buck. She’s a nice lady. And she noticed me before I turned, well, into this, I guess.”

Bucky’s heart broke just a bit more than he cared to admit, it broke and something dark was let in. He didn’t want to know what it was, so he just croaked out, “That’s good, pal. Real good of you.”

And seeing Steve smile, like his words were important, like if he didn’t say it Steve would’ve let her go — someone should've made him a goddamn saint for his performance. There was a part of him that regretted it, but Bucky knew Steve’s happiness was worth a hell of a lot more than anything he could ever give Steve, so he smiled albeit a bit strained, clapped Steve’s shoulder, then made some excuse to get away. 

He could only handle enough pain for one night. Sometimes, when Bucky was feeling really low, he wished he was back in that fucking room because things were simpler back then: physical pain was only temporary, he was going to die, and Steve was at home. Steve was home and there was this feeling of contentedness, knowing that fact. But no, Steve was here in the middle of a fucking warzone, getting attention from every publication, and more importantly getting Carter’s attention. 

Knowing Steve was meant for greater things was normal, but knowing and feeling it were different because feeling it meant that he wasn’t needed anymore, that because of that damn serum Bucky became obsolete in Steve’s life, only kept in it from the fact that Bucky was Steve’s oldest friend. But now he had something to do. Bucky became a weapon, watching Steve’s six and shooting whoever came at him to hell. And, God, that was enough for him. It had to be.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed !!!! find me on [tumblr](http://bipetermj.tumblr.com/) :D


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